Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
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