pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
