I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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