Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
