It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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