Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
