I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
