Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
