Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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