just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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