Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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