i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
