Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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