you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
