Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She bit a glass in half.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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