He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
