if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
