Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
It's official drugs can't kill me
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
