So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
