Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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