Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
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