I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Randomize
