I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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