Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
