I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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