I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
