none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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