They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
