There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
