have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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