I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
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screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
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And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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