I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
