I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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