I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
