If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
