Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
