Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
