was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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