Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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