why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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