yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
