remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
