im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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