I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i dont even know how to be here
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
