Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
