Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
