It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
