I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
