Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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