if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
