She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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