Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits