i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
