who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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