So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
