I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
