Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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