I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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