i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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