dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
