so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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