Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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