Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
