Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
