it's like iHOP with fire
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
