remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
