I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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