Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
