Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
